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General Information for recuperaciones      posted 07-04-2012
Copy and paste the URL into your browser. The document has instructions for submitting your work and gives a checklist and some hints for everyone.

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0BxeSMmD_2GI0QnFVQXZIdG5rNmM

There will be a separate blog with notes for individuals.




What you need to improve - Angela      posted 07-04-2012
1. Title is supposed to ask a question that you are going to answer. (See general notes.) You have collected a lot of information, but you haven't asked or answered a question.
2. If you're looking at some aspect of ethics in photojournalism, the "brief history of photojournalism" is not necessary. It is also not brief.
3. See the notes on using pictures in the general notes.
4. The "code of ethics" Where does this come from? It should be in an appendix. You could discuss some cases with reference to this code.
5. Your survey. Who did you survey - how did you choose them?
6. You have to write the paper yourself. "Photojournalists have taken pictures poor living conditions with malnourished children and sick elderly people. They have also shot photos of people in tragedy and disaster situations. Does the journalist have an obligation to provide aid to his or her subject that is higher than their obligation to remain neutral as a journalist? The decision is if they should remove themselves from situation and remain as just an observer or if they should step out of their role as a journalist and become involved in the story by giving aid to the needy." comes straight from a website. And you've put the Patterson & Wilkins book in your bibliography, but you didn't use it -- Sara Hall used it and you copied what she wrote. This is plagiarism.
7. Check on how to use graphics.
8. Check how to write a bibliography.

What you need to get a grade - Irene      posted 07-04-2012
If you are going to stay with this topic, you need to write it yourself. It has no title page. It has no structure. It would not be accepted without a bibliography. See the general notes about this.

You need a title that asks a question you want to answer in your research.
Title page.
Write in sections. (See general notes.)
Your writing has been copied from internet sources - plagiarism is NOT acceptable. This is not your work. What you hand in must be your own work.

What you need to improve - Oliver      posted 07-04-2012
Oliver
From my notes: Title: topic is too broad. And the essay doesn't seem to address it. Does seem to be about whether the Christian god exists, but can't seem to make up its mind. Poor structure, doesn't hang together. Lots of rhetoric, very little evidence.

This is the sort of opinion piece you can write when people are interested in your opinion, especially if you have a greater breadth and depth of knowledge. It is however not an example of a research paper following the guidelines which we gave at the beginning of the school year and the general guidelines which I have summarised and put up in a separate blog.

I'd suggest scrapping the topic and writing on something else. There isn't much to salvage from what you've given in. If you insist on sticking with this theme, you have to choose an aspect of the debate which you can research and analyse. “Does God Exist?” is not a suitable research question, since it can't be answered.

In your new paper avoid sweeping generalisations for which you have no proof. Facts, opinions, quotes, statistics should all be referenced.
See notes on introduction, conclusion, biliography.



What you need to get a grade - Beren      posted 07-04-2012
Beren
From my notes: Title asks a question which the paper doesn't and can't answer (except by waiting til next year). Pages not numbered. No structure. No bilbiography, but I looked at two sections copied word for word from a website, and assume the rest is similarly plagiarised.
I recommend that you choose a new topic. It's difficult to do properly and I don't think you have the background knowledge to do. Certainly you haven't learned anything significant about in the last year. There is nothing worthwhile in what you submitted. The title is unhelpful and unfocused. You've copied chunks from websites, but there is no structure or coherence to it.

You can choose another topic and write a paper following the guidelines given to you at the start of the course. Also relevant are the general notes which I've put up in a separate blog. You must include a correct bibliography for whatever you submit.


What you need to improve - Ian R      posted 07-04-2012
Ian R.
From my notes: Doesn't establish a rationale for this restaurant. Would expect intro to consider reasoning behind the choice, show some research into similar venues. Goes straight into hygiene when preparing food, without saying anything about the grand plan. It's very poorly structured, doesn't even follow its own outline. There are actually no sources, except My Dad's (Juan Diego) experience as a former chef in a former Spanish restaurant in London + his dad's friend Miguel of same former restaurant. And they aren't even quoted,so not clear where their input comes in. It's a very lazy effort. No graphics, which would be appropriate, no comparisons with existing venues. Not even a survey of demand for any of this. No sense of how much this would cost. Demand is assumed. The nuclear bunker is simply ridiculous. Inviting the famous doesn't mean they come. Advertising? Attracting customers – how?

Needs:
Essentially it needs to be entirely redone with some thought and following the guidelines for research and presentation.
See General Notes for some reminders and the material you were given at the start of the course.
1. Title. Your title is vague and general. It should be more specific and you should then research it.
Include title page.
2. See general notes re introduction.
3. It should be organised into sections. See general notes.
4. Relevant graphics should be included. See help sheet on outlines.
5. Hygiene information goes in an appendix.
6. You need to research this properly and give full information about sources. If you interview anyone – even members of the family – give in bibliography full name, qualification and date of interview. A copy of the interview should be in the appendix.
7. Conclusion.

What you need to improve - Carlos      posted 07-04-2012
Carlos
Comment from my notes: Pages not numbered. The structure is identifical to wikipedia article, though the words are not. No bibliography and I have seen no evidence of any other research.
Needs:
1. Title page. And new title where you actually look at a particular aspect, perhaps the changing role of indie developers.
2. Original research. The sections are exactly as set out in Wikipedia. Even if you didn't copy it word for word, you also didn't structure your own work. There is no bibliography and no evidence of actual research.


What you need to improve - Holly      posted 07-04-2012
Holly
Comment from my notes: Bibliography-one website, no specific section sited, a book identified only by title. Attempt at personal exploration of the issue. She needed to submit an outline when requested and it might have been made acceptable—but it's a mish mash. She should also have submitted the bibliography and then that could have been made useful. Notes & checklist have been online for student use for quite some time to help with final presentation, this should have been used.
Needs:
1. A new title that asks a question for you to answer. Example: How do abortion laws affect women in the Republic of Ireland?
2. Introduction to say why you are trying to answer this question.
3. Organise the paper into sections.
4. If you use statistics, quotes from other people, etc., make it clear where it came from (source).
5. The conclusion is what you found out.
6. The bibliography is essential. Read the general notes on this.

What you need to get a grade - Kevin      posted 07-04-2012
Kevin
Comment from notes: What can I say? I was given 2 typed pages which is essentially a rehash of: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_theft
You need either to choose a new topic or to write on this one, following the guidelines. See the general notes.

What you need to improve - Alexandra      posted 07-04-2012
Alexandra
Comment from my notes: No page numbers. The body of the paper is a list of STDs with information about them-these should be appendices. The paper doesn't have a title. It says it's a campaign strategy, but there is no strategy. There is a set of posters, no discussion about how they would be used. Too explicit for school-even secondary; even for doctor surgery asmany parents wouldn't want their children to see them, even though of course the point is to get them seen. Couldn't be displayed in libraries, maybe STDclinics, though could be a bit late by then!
Needs:
1. A title + title page. (See general notes) The title is the question you are going to answer about preventing STDs in young people (ages?).
2. Introduction should set out the need for the strategy your proposing.
3. Your research needs to focus on your strategy. I googled “std prevention in young people” and lots of hits. Make sure you choose things that are related to your target group.
4. The body of your text is essentially irrelevant on its own. It might make a series of appendices if you want to keep it. Some of it might be relevant to a prevention strategy.
5. Sections. (See general notes)
6. Make sure when you quote statistics, ideas, research work, that you say what the source is.
7. Bibliography. See general notes.


What you need to improve - Jamila      posted 07-04-2012
Jamila
Comment I made on my notes: Title is too general and the paper reflects this. It doesn't focus on a question to answer, so is very scrappy, reads more like a pamphlet than a paper.
Needs
1. New title. (See general notes.) + title page
2. The introduction needs to introduce the problem set out in the new title.
3. Keep it divided into sections, but in the new paper, use them to develop the title that you are researching.
4. Conclusion. Relate it to what you found out about the question you asked.
5. When you give statistics and factual information, make it clear where this information came from.
6. Bibliography. This a copy of the notes I made about your bibliography. http://www.nativeremedies.com/ailment/preventing-alzheimers-symptoms-info.html – not cited, but I pasted this from their website: Dementia is a group of brain disorders that gradually destroys brain cells and impairs the ability to function effectively in daily life. Cognitive functioning is slowly affected (memory, reason, judgment, and communication), making it increasingly difficult to carry out daily tasks and activities. (Match for first paragraph of Jamila's paper.)
http://www.hbo.com/alzheimers/memory-loss/pages.htm 404 error
http://www.hbo.com/alzheimers/memory-loss/pages.htm – can't see that this info is used
http://www.alz.co.uk/alzheimer-university – not used




Outline for final essay - link      posted 04-30-2012
A copy of an outline sheet to remind you about the structure of your final essay.

The document is set for sharing with anyone who has the link, but if it won't open, contact me at

astronomy.teacher@yahoo.co.uk

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BxeSMmD_2GI0RUlHQkhqUFd3bG8/edit?pli=1